Jan 19th.

We didn't do a heck of a lot this holiday weekend. We planned to take it easy and we did. Tracy and the girls did go on a hike today to with our friends the Michaels to Castle Rock in the Santa Cruz Mountains. They had a great time and the weather out here has been fantastic for about a week now. I hate to think of the major drought we are going to have this summer, but I have to admit 73 degrees in January is kind of nice.

Emily is doing really well. About a week ago she broke out with some pretty heavy acne, and we need to check tomorrow to make sure it's an acceptable side effect of the chemo, we feel like it probably is ok since she feels great and the acne seems to be just that. I also remember acne being a side effect of several of the drugs she would be on. Emily is also scheduled to have labs on Wednesday and we are expecting to return to %100 dosage on her chemo, it's been 6 weeks since she was neutropenic and we had to take a break and just now working back up to full dose. The worst of the cold season seems to have passed, especially since everyone is outside with this great weather.

While Emily is doing great, and we are so thankful for it, I want to try to explain what it's like to be a parent at this stage of chemo. It's a mix of feeling and emotions, some justified and some maybe not. We feel happy and excited that Emily is doing really well, but we feel worried and scared that things could change, any day. It's the constant worry that we need to learn to live with, it's something that isn't going to go away March 10th 2010 the day she ends treatment. It's probably a worry that will never go away. I am personally conflicted with how to feel about things, do I get excited she is in remission, knowing full well in the back of my mind that this disease is known to relapse, and just getting into remission isn't the challenge it's if you can stay there. At work, I want to tell my boss and team that everything is getting back to normal, but I worry that if I do, then expectations will raise on my performance, and to be honest I don't have much energy to step it up at work any more than I have done already. I get angry when people at work say "we understand what you are going through" when they really have no clue, and I don't want them to have a clue. So even in good times, I want you all to know that we still need all the support, help, comments to the blog etc to get through this. It's just not as dire as it was last spring, but there is still a major battle ahead of us.

We are super excited that tomorrow our country is going to get a fresh start with a real leader. I am hopeful for so much, but here in the blog I will say that it's almost guarenteed that President Obama will do more for health care that bush, let's hope for increased stem cell research, advancements in technology to help not to kill people, and a way for everyone to have medical care on par with what we are so fortunate to be able to give our daughter. I am looking at 2009 as a year of healing, for the Emily and the Peppers, our enconomy, and counrty. I am full of hope for that. I also believe it can happen.