change in protocol, I need to deal with it

Yesterday Emily had her weekly labs and her anc was 4200. Normally on her protocol that would mean an increase in dosage back to %100. But for some reason they want to keep her on %75 dosage. I emailed Dr. Link last night, and he was quick to respond. He told me that since she isn't on an official study they don't have to stick to protocol. He feels like she's so close to the end that an increase in dosage while it might seem like a good thing to do, may introduce risks we don't need at this point. He said "I'm not sure that whatever we do at this point will have much effect on the overall outcome." I respect him so much that I will trust his judgment on this. I would have to agree that a hospitalization at this point for neutropenia would be extremely anti-climactic, and if it happened she would have to completely discontinue chemo. As I am writing this I can see that he is right, and understand his POV a but better.

We have 3 weeks left as of tomorrow. Emily is off school this week for Presidents Week. Next week is her last IV Chemo and last 5 days of Prednisone ! So starting next week are going to be a series of "lasts". The last time we are going to have to do some of this stuff. I'm also looking forward to getting an entire shelf of our kitchen back which currently houses so many drugs we could open a pharmacy. Flushing some of the extra meds will be cathartic as well !

I KNEW we'd get here, to the end, even though I couldn't admit that to you all. And I want to reiterate because it's so strong of a feeling, how for me this seems like it's been just a few weeks, not 2 years.